Less than a week after the White House announced its comprehensive set of tariffs, the Dearborn automaker exclusively revealed to Ford Authority its comprehensive plan to relocate all of its assembly plants to Hawaii. The move will be made possible by state of the art 3D printing technology and has the support of the United Auto Workers.
Ford decided on Hawaii after extensive talks with regional managers, who agree that the state represents a rational middle ground between the Eastern and Western hemispheres, where the company can centralize automotive production and keep a closer eye on quality, as assembly plants for most of the automaker’s vehicles will be in one convenient location. Ford will primarily settle on Hawai’i, and has special permission to build up, so Ford facilities are almost certainly expected to become visual landmarks for the island. Aside from assembly plants, the company will also build parts plants and all the requisite support facilities for vehicle production, then rent them out to suppliers.
This gigantic move is made possible by massive advancements in 3D printing technology. Initial vehicle production in Hawaii will exclusively use 3D printing for every single part associated with the vehicles in question, and Ford has entered into agreements with suppliers to fabricate the parts themselves until non-3D printed replacements can be built on the island. Vehicles produced with 3D printed parts will carry a 20 year, 200,0000-mile bumper-to-bumper warranty to ease customer’s minds, although Ford will also run special lease deals on them as well, in an effort to minimize potential disruptions to owners should their vehicles encounter issues. As for capability and speed, the automakers says the printers operate similarly to the replicators on Star Trek – they can instantly create an item within certain parameters.
“As everyone knows, I’ve repeatedly stated that Ford should be the Porsche of off-road,” said Ford CEO Tim Barley. “But I also want the company to be the Apple of 3D printing.” As of press time, it was unclear what Barley meant by that statement.
In any event, Ford envisions Hawaii as an export hub for markets outside North America and a key pillar of the company’s domestic production capabilities. Ford will utilize an obscure maritime law from World War II as a way to get completely around European and Asian tariffs, as the original intent of the legislation enabled private companies to avoid punitive trade measures to get badly needed supplies to the Allies at the height of the conflict. To compensate for higher labor costs, Ford also signed a crucial memorandum of understanding with the United Auto Workers (UAW) that will ensure labor costs are kept to a manageable figure. “Look, the bottom line is that our future unionized workers will go to work with amazing weather, and will be able to sip cocktails in Waikiki every single night after their shift,” said UAW President Ron Crain. “That’s well worth the reduction in overall compensation levels compared to the U.S. mainland.”
As for the company’s global factories, the vast majority of plants and parts facilities outside of the United States will relocate to the island. Ford is nearing a deal with BYD to sell its real estate to the electric car company, with those funds ultimately funding the entire endeavor. Ford CEO Tim Barley will announce details of the new initiative on the Moe Rogaine Experience podcast tonight, including product announcements. Ford Authority understands that the Ford Puma and Ford Transit Custom lineup will be sold in the United States for the first time. Ford will also renter the midsize sedan segment with a refreshed Mondeo, but Ford will call it the Fusion as to capitalize on the sizable number of owners who are still driving their cars in the country. Lincoln is still evaluating whether it makes sense to offer the Zephyr to Americans luxury shoppers, as it feels that the newly introduced Meridian serves exactly the same customer base that the Zephyr would, making it redundant.
“With this move, Ford is positioned to offer all of its competitive vehicles in every region – something that’s never been done before,” said Spike Ravine, Ford North Dakota product communications manager. “Also, I just asked one of our 3D printers to make a Ford Maverick door handle and it cried out in agony before shutting down, so this whole thing is definitely a work in progress.” Ravine stated that disruptions like the one he described are a rare occurrence and will be fully sorted out by the time production is slated to begin.
We’ll have more on this never, because this was our final April Fools’ article for 2025. We hope you enjoyed all of them!
Comments
That was great April fools joke!
This is the best someone can do for an April Fools joke? Pathetic
You never smile, do you? Nothing can seem funny to you and you can never let go or feel relaxed. I am sorry for you.
You had me Hook-Line-and Sinker, Wow! That was a great read, I was truly buying it all, while being skeptical of several of the things mentioned, but, I was justifying it all, because there’s nothing too Big for Ford Motor Company to handle. (moving all production to Hawaii, was the tell for me), but, I was still drinking the Kool-Aid.
Sure glad I read the whole article. In the beginning, I thought it sounded like a good idea also, but the 3D part had me confused. Then I thought how great of an idea this is, but, which island, and then where are all the workers going to come from and live. Winter vacationers that work a few weeks or months?
Nice April Fools Joke!
This was as accurate as when you guys reported that the 2024 Nautilus wouldn’t have the inside large screen. (That attracted a lot of buyers) I called Dearborn MI and she said never heard of it.
Nice plug for Star Trek. 🙂
Not funny.
When is Ford getting out of China?
In the interim, what are you doing to GUARANTEE there is no malware — or any ability to add it — in all Chinese built Ford & Lincoln vehicles bound for the USA?
Always love hearing from Ford Majordomo Tim Barley on 4/1!
If you had wrote Puerto Rico, it would be believable.
Even chatgpt took it seriously 🙂